The Expendables 2

Has there been a more impressive career resurrection than Sylvester Stallone's?  Academy award winning director, 80s box office star, the oughts saw him slip rungs from the big show to the waste bin of direct-to-DVD garbage.  Mid-fifties, sitting atop a career built upon brawn and bodies - territories typically only won by the young; if you hadn't written him off, you were a larger Stallone fan than most.  In the vicious arena of Hollywood, the fact that he simply kept trying made him a punch line rather than an inspiration. The announcement that he would return to the screen once more as the characters most inseparable from his slow New York drawl and snarling lip - Rocky Balboa and John Rambo - was met with little more than a smirk. Then, the impossible happened: the films were good.  I sat stunned, ten minutes into Rambo, wondering, "Have I lost my mind, or is this actually good?"  At one point, a man is shot by an arrow into a landmine and explodes.  Nope, not crazy - it is good, depending, of course, on personal appetites.

We're now well into the second stage of Sly's career, which brings us to 2010's merely passable, yet financially successful The Expendables.  A film built to warm the hearts of 80s action aficionados, it felt clumsier and less believable than some of the films it attempted to honor; too many characters without enough character.  Unsurprisingly, The Expendables 2, the inevitable sequel, suffers under the same strain.  It still feels overstuffed with Hasbro action figures with little to do, even with Jet Li's early ejection (after a wonderful sequence of frying pan Fu).  Nan Yu brings some feminine equal opportunity, but doesn't have a lot to do other than make eyes at Stallone now and again, and help Dolph Lundgren gruntingly deliver some jokes.  Still, though, the team's old (Stallone, Lundgren), and the younger-but-still-not-young (Randy Couture, Terry Crews, Jason Statham, Nan Yu) maintain their dignity and do the best with what they were given.  Willis and Schwarzenegger show up as part of a rival mercenary team, and while Willis is fine and having fun here, sadly, Schwarzenegger is not the force of nature we all remember.  His performance reminds me of the slightly confused, off-note sleep walking Harrison Ford delivered for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  We love our heroes of the past, but sometimes, it seems, it’s for the best that they stay there.  The biggest surprise here is Van Damme, who plays the Satanic Albanian Vilain (yes, his name is actually only one letter away from the answer to the Jeopardy question, “What is a common word for the role of fictional antagonist?” – a wonderful example of the dearth of script creativity on display) with aplomb.  He capers about, relishing every evil moment, stopping just short of Snidely Whiplashing it.  Every time he was off screen, I couldn't wait for him to show up again.  His film-climax knockdown, bare-knuckle fight with Stallone was exhilarating.  It seems his performance in JCVD was no fluke.  Give this guy more roles.  If anyone deserves a comeback, it's Jean-Claude.   The man can actually act.

Most welcome amongst all the cracking wise, the falling bodies and the geysers of blood (some of which, I must note, is a tad too noticeably CGI) is the humor.  This is possibly the most inclusive action film of all time.  It gently lets the aging fans know that it's okay to have nostalgia for the muscle-bulging days when the bad guys were one dimensional and the good guys were white-hatted and invincible, all the while giving a friendly jocular elbow in the ribs to those dragged along to the theatre who find the whole thing silly - go ahead and laugh, the film says, we're in on the joke.

Sure, the whole thing is silly and predictable - if you don't know that blandly hunky young Liam Hemsworth is a redshirt plot device as soon as he hits the screen, I envy your ability to immerse yourself - but that's part of the fun.  The movie has an exploitation, cult film quality, giving us exactly what we want in fun and creative ways.  When I saw the movie, the theatre was filled with explosive laughter, cheers, and disbelieving head-shakes; everyone had fun, and hell, sometimes, there's nothing better.

So: better than the first in the most important ways - funnier, bloodier, and crazier – but just as stupid.  I had a great time watching The Expendables.  Stallone, I salute you and your multi-cultural, multi-generational mercenary-knights.  Long may you ride, draw gun, and protect the holy precepts of The One Liner, The Villains Who Can't Shoot, The Chase, and The Explosion.  As long as you keep making these things, I'll keep seeing them, and I'll have a smile on my face the whole damn time.